this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
