I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
