if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
