i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
