I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
