if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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