i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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