First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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