Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
