my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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