I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You smell like stripper and shame
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
