Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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