I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
