She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
