Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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