Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Randomize
