found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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