Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
