I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
