: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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