What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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