At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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