five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
