I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
