On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
