I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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