Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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