you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
