At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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