Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
