There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I party with great urgency now.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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