Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
