My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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