i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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