I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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