According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
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Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
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i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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