I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
