she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
