oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She bit a glass in half.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
