once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
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