Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
