so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
