Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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