P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
