There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
