Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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