1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
