no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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