there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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