does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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