What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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