Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
