marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
