i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
