No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
