She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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