I wish they made helmets for livers.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
ok first of all what the fuck
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
