Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
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Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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