You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
