halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Will exercising make me less horny?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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