Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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