Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
