my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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