glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize