I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
