sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Randomize
