Got a toothbrush?
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
