why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
