At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
