babies were throwing up all over the place
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
