Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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