i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
