Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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