i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
