Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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