Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
