Someone shit on the floor
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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