I'm really into asian looking animals
I skipped work to stalk him.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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