Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
