i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
