that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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