This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
