I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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